September 9, 2011

ANNOUNCEMENT: A “HOT” new one hour workshop on Increasing Self-Care… Creating my own Pleaser’s List (offered at various times and on request). The inaugural workshop last Friday was given affirmations…

As an educator and consultant I teach regular and intensive courses, seminars, and workshops and provide skill development training, coaching, and mentoring in interpersonal and small group relationships in daily life and/or in challenging situations.

Three areas of skill development include:

  1. Tools for Harmony Within Diversity:  Understanding one’s own and others cultural and individual differences in Calm and Storm [utilizing the Friendly Style Profile from Friendly Press]
  2. Micro-Communication Skills (Friendly Press’ MasterSkills: Agreement Stating, Preference Stating, Purpose Stating, Posture of Puzzlement and Spirit of Inquiry, Deep Compassionate Listening and Impact Preview using all the skills)
  3. Some Innovative Procedures (for building healthy relationships and healing & reconciling broken relationships via Impact Preview, Collaborative Partnering, Collaborative Parenting, Role Clarification, Neutralizing History, the Daté Discernment Circle, and the Justice-With-Healing model, among others)
  4. Misc. Skill development: a) Friendly Clinics (prerequisite: Tools for Harmony Within Diversity anytime in last decades, 2 hour workshops) b) Self-Care: Pleaser’s List (1 hour), c) Impact Clinics (monitoring & review of generic skill development in previous workshops, 90 minutes)

I have worked closely with the Center for Dialogue & Resolution staff & volunteers (in Lane County at Lanecdr.org)  (formerly Community Mediation Services), Eugene, Oregon and provide some training and contracts through CDR.

My next 2 open/public Friendly Style Profile “Tools for Harmony Within Diversity” (8 hour Zoom workshop) will be held 4+ hours on a Friday for Part 1 and 4+ hours on either Saturday  or about a week later for Part 2.   REGISTER via lanecdr.org for these workshops (complete assignments about 4 – 8 days before the Tools workshops).

PLEASE CHECK the Events & Workshop pages for updated Zoom workshop information.  Perhaps we will see each other soon!

WHAT’S NEXT:                                                                                                              If you are seeking a brave place to Listen & Share, we’ll be setting up sessions possibly Sundays 1 pm – 3 pm (Pacific) (or other slots “by request”) utilizing the Date’ Discernment Circle (which many of you are familiar with) both tending to our hearts and minds as well as a bit of further skill development/coaching.

Look for 2 Podcast interviews of me with Anna Lisa Gross on the topic of “Speak the Truth to Power” (this week on Messenger radio podcast) and (also for Brethren young adults) on  Dunkerpunks “When I realized I was a “leader”…” available March 2021.  Also I was invited to coauthor a feature article for the Fellowship of Reconciliation magazine on the topic of what the English word “Crisis” brings to us at this juncture…(forusa.org)

CONTACT ME best via paxdate@gmail.com  (also to set up phone, FaceTime, WhatsAp or Zoom)

In the meantime, take especially good care of yourself and your Dear Ones! Barbara

Last edited: 1/5/21                               (Eugene, Oregon USA)


My colleague, Janet E. Mitchell announced her new practice and new website, https://lnkd.in/eEyt94y, and Facebook page, Janet Mitchell Mediator, LLC.


Janet & I have taught workshops together and I commend her with no reservations. Feel free to check with me if you have further questions before contacting her.


Please contact me at paxdate@gmail.com (check some workshops listed with lanecdr.org)

July 26, 2021

I plan to (come out of seclusion and) return to travel again starting in October 2021…


Self-Care 101: Creating my own “Pleaser’s List”

October 12, 2020

We are in a marathon and not a sprint– in a dual pandemic (Covid 19 and our challenging political context near and far…)

If we learn to use skills to help us get from “here to there” to the other side of this dual pandemic to be healthy on the journey and on our arrival, here’s one thing we can do starting right now!

Join the workshop to create your own Self-Care 101 Pleaser’s List. This workshop will give you ways to improve your own self-care starting immediately. This is a new workshop which was launched Friday, October 23rd.

This one hour workshop will be offered a few times during these next few months. New dates will be posted here by Saturday, 10/31 6 pm.

Instructions & an example of my own Pleaser’s List will be emailed immediately before the workshop and reviewed during the workshop. Questions posed will be responded to immediately. As part of this workshop participants will receive an invitation to email their first draft for feedback and editing from Barbara.

REGISTRATION: contact Barbara at paxdate@gmail.com (at least 48 hours before the workshop begins).

Tuition: $10 (sliding scale for low income).

Questions to: paxdate@gmail.com


Workshop Schedules

October 9, 2020

FYI: ALL workshops from April 2020 – September 2021 have been or will be via Zoom.

Listed by dates in chronological order:



Friday, October 23rd 2 – 3 pm (Pacific) SELF-CARE: Creating my own Pleaser’s List

Sunday, October 25th 1 – 4 pm (Pacific) Deep Compassionate Listening: Micro-paraphrasing

Wednesday, 10/28 1 – 3 pm (Pacific) Friendly Clinic (Prerequisite: Tools)


Thursday, November 5th, 1 – 3:30 “Justice-With-Healing”

Wednesday, 11/17, 5 – 7 pm, Friendly Clinic (Prerequisite: Tools)

Friday, November 20th, 10 am – 2:15 pm, PART 1, Tools for Harmony Within Diversity. (Preregistration required, Registration prep assignment deadline/due: 11/13, 5 pm) (NOTE: one may take Part 2 on either, the same day, Friday, 11/20, or Saturday, 11/21 noon to 4 pm OR by request you may join Saturday, December 5th, (about) 2 pm – 6 pm.

Friday, November 20th, PART 2, 2:30 – 6:30, Tools for Harmony Within Diversity (Part 1 is Prerequisite)

Saturday, November 21st, PART 2, 12 noon to 4 pm, Tools for Harmony Within Diversity (Part 1 is Prerequisite)


Saturday, December 5th, 10 am- 6 pm (Pacific) (with short lunch break) Tools for Harmony Within Diversity, PART 1 & PART 2 (Preregistration required, preparation assignment deadline due: November 27th)

Saturday, December 12, 10 am – 1 pm (Pacific) Justice-With-Healing

FYI: 2021 workshops so far have been by requests by groups/organizations…


Micro-communication Skills Parts 1 – 4 (can be taken in any order)

May 24, 2020

This series was taught on Zoom starting April 2020 as the pandemic was confirmed.

Part 1: Skills of Expression (Agreement Stating, Preference Stating, Purpose Stating & Posture of Puzzlement)  (Usually 90 minutes to 2 hours)

Part 2: Spirit of Inquiry (Usually 1 hour to 90 minutes)

Part 3: Impact Preview (usually 2 hours)

Part 4: Deep Compassionate Listening: Micro-paraphrasing (usually 3 hours)

Repeat Zoom workshops continue to be offered just about every month.  Sometimes the Center for Dialogue & Resolution posts my workshop descriptions and the dates posted there are sometimes correct.  Check with me for dates and times or request a date for your group:  paxdate@gmail.com


Friendly Clinic and Tools for Harmony Within Diversity Workshops

May 24, 2020

The 2 hour “Friendly Clinics” began in April and I am meeting with participants about every week or two.   We’ve held weekly successful sessions already!  Each participant is welcome to bring specific situations of “Lessons Learned” or “puzzlements” to share and explore together.

Prerequisite: Anyone who has already taken some form of the Friendly Style Profile workshop (Tools for Harmony Within Diversity is most recent workshop title) can participate any time almost on a “drop in” basis.  (Please let me know at least 48 hours in advance so you can be included in the Group Profile Roster.)

Friendly Clinic dates (all Pacific Time Zone) are generally 2 hours:

Every other Wednesday 1 pm  (2 pm Mountain, 3 pm Central, 4 pm Eastern) August 4th – 1 pm

Tuesdays had been starting at 4 or 5 pm (depending on who signed up)

Weekend slots are available (Saturdays 10 am Pacific or Sundays 12 noon most likely)

Friendly Clinic sessions are set about 2 – 4 weeks in advance on request (day, date, time frame) so we are still guessing as to best preferred slots…and hope to eventually have them on some set slots every month…

The Tools for Harmony Within Diversity workshops are set for:

We have been offering Tools all day (usually a Wednesday or Saturday) 10 am – 6 pm (Pacific)           OR  Saturday 10 am – 2:15 pm (Pacific) and then the next Saturday same slot 10 am – 2:15 pm (Pacific)                                                                                           (Please register and fill out your “About Me” and your Friendly survey a week in advance)

This TOOLS workshop REPEATS about once a month.

[For Micro-communication Skills Series (Parts 1 – 4 in any order) see other page

Impact Preview and Spirit of Inquiry dates will be offered mid-August.

I will try to keep this listing of workshops up to date.  You are welcome to check in with lanecdr.org (however, they are creatively redesigning their website so it is under construction still). Email me for more info or a conversation at paxdate@gmail.com



RECENTLY PUBLISHED! Justice-With-Healing: An Indigenous Adapted Model of Justice and Healing of Relationships (in Peace Research: The Canadian Journal of Peace and Conflict Studies, Volume 51, No 2 (2019) (Barbara’s “Justice-With-Healing” workshop focuses on the vignette with an Intro then debrief after the vignette.)

April 29, 2020

Order journal through the Canadian Mennonite University in Winnipeg, Canada (Order process updates probably will posted here.)

FYI: Barbara shared this adapted healing model in a 2 1/2 hour workshop first on May 1st 202.  Requests were made to repeat this workshop in August and December 2020.  (If you have a date preference, please contact Barbara.  We like to have 20 or more participants to sign up for each session because there are 18 short and longer reading parts.)

There also have been requests for Barbara to edit this vignette to illustrate an “average” United States “dominant culture” harm caused in an “average” context… Stay tuned!….


2020 workshops

April 29, 2020

In case you want current information about what I’m teaching now on Zoom workshops, please feel free to email me directly at paxdate@gmail.com OR look up most workshop overviews and register with the Center for Dialogue & Resolution at lanecdr.org

Otherwise, I hope to “see you around” and wish you strength for the journey!

(The first Justice-With-Healing inaugural Zoom workshop on Friday, May 1, 2020 was very engaging! Three repeat workshops were offered one in August and December 2020. See other updated page.

Also additional sections of the Tools for Harmony Within Diversity (Friendly Style Profile intensive) were offered in 2020.

Advanced Friendly Clinics 2 – 3 times a month! One can join repeatedly for “Tune-Ups” or to share support (Pre-requisite: Tools for Harmony Within Diversity)

Many workshops were offered so far in 2021 at the request/invitation of organizations for their staff/groups.


Next Workshops

April 12, 2018

       TOOLS for HARMONY WITHIN DIVERSITY:   The Friendly Style Profile

       See posted dates on Tools for Harmony Within Diversity page

for Spring, Fall & Summer 2021

This interactive one-day workshop with Dr. Barbara Daté will provide concrete, practical skills to understand one’s own & others’ behavior using the personal Style inventory tool, the Friendly Style Profile.  By helping us “speak each other’s languages,” Barbara will guide us to explore individual & cultural differences. Whether we are relating to those in our personal lives, to our neighbors, or with our co-workers, we can learn to build healthier relationships, prevent dysfunctional conflict, & become better equipped to understand, affirm, & respect one another.

Together we will explore a model of understanding human behavior that includes specific self-management/self-care skills along with customized interpersonal skills for use in daily life.   Participants will learn how to interpret their own and others’ Gifts & Strengths in both Calm and Storm conditions using the Friendly Style Profile.

NOTE:  To REGISTER:  The inventory will need to be filled out a minimum of one week IN ADVANCE of the workshop date. CONTACT:  UO CRES or the Center for Dialogue & Resolution (lanecdr.org) or Barbara (paxdate@gmail.com) to register and get the “About Me” form and Friendly Survey sent to you.

Workshop Time: 10 AM – 6 PM (Pacific) or when divided into two parts usually are 10 am – 2 pm (Pacific)

Location: ZOOM   (No drop-ins, pre-registration and preparation assignments required in advance)

Short LUNCH break (probably about 45 minutes)

Numerous educational materials include the Friendly text booklet/survey, Daté spiral workbook, two custom-designed Personal Style Profile name cards, plus snacks & hot/cold drinks are part of the tuition.  Seminar fees are posted at lanecdr.org and there is a sliding fee scale available to accommodate scholarships.  CRES students contact UO CRES for scholarships.

Registration questions? Contact the Center for Dialogue & Resolution.   (Select Work/community, Intimate Partner or Youth/student context/15-18 years old).

Questions about filling out the Friendly Style Profile? Email Barbara at paxdate@gmail.com (She will phone you)

 Advance REGISTRATION required before 3 pm a minimum of 10 days before the the workshop date


Tools for Harmony Within Diversity Workshop April 28, 2018 in Eugene, Oregon

January 30, 2018

Invitation to a Friendly Style Profile all day workshop Saturday, April 28, 2018 Eugene, Oregon.  (Also, starting up follow-up two hour FSP sessions monthly in Eugene in April.)

Register for April 28th workshop via lanecdr.org (registration deadline 4/18 3 pm. Deadline for RETURNING completed paper survey assignment NOTE: the assignment needs to be picked up ASAP in order get it back in time. Participation is accepted only with completed assignment.)

Two hour “Follow-up” sessions in Eugene to review the Friendly Style Profile, Monitoring Examples and answer questions beginning in April.

TRAVEL SCHEDULE:  Medford, OR May 10-11, 2018;   Cincinnati 7/1 – 7/8/2018;   Wisconsin 8/16 – ?;    Wisconsin and NWO, CA Late Fall for a couple weeks;  Dublin & Germany TBA 2018




BLOG apology (plus Florence Daté Smith Topaz internment LINK at bottom)

July 21, 2017

As any of you who have checked in, you may have noticed that I have not been very attentive to this blog. This should improve soon…In the meantime, I’ve been teaching Friendly Style Profile and other skill development workshops every so often and seeing clients and colleagues near and far.  Feel free to communicate with me by email (paxdate@gmail.com) even to suggest a phone call or Zoom slot.  Looking forward to communicating with you soon.

Strength for the journey!


For those of you who have asked or are interested, we finally have figured out a way to post Mom’s entire Topaz story which I worked with Mom to edit.  (FYI: Mom went over to the other side on June 26, 2017 after a hard day of breathing; she got to 96 (!), went to a restaurant on the Thursday before and friends and I were with her to her last breath.  Please email me if you would like me to send you more info).

Full Florence Daté Smith Topaz Internment 54 minute video (somewhat in two parts) edited by Barbara Daté, Ph.D.: